When a Family Loses Someone: The Practical Side of Grief

No family expects to face the practical side of a loss until the day it arrives. By then, they are carrying grief while also being asked to make decisions that can’t wait.

Loss unfolds on two levels at once. There is the personal one, where families are simply trying to find their footing. And there is a practical one that moves forward whether or not anyone is ready.

There is a funeral home to choose, often in a single day, while still in shock. There are death certificates to request. There is the question of what to do with the family home, conversations with an attorney, and an estate that must move through probate, where timing matters and a small misstep can create real difficulty.

And then there are the things no one thinks to plan for. Bills continue to arrive. A computer or phone holds important information that no one in the family can open. The dog sitter still needs to be paid. Even the most thoughtful, organized families can feel overwhelmed, and for families with multiple entities, properties, and advisors, it can feel like too much for any one person to hold.

In the first days

• Order more death certificates than you think you will need. Banks, custodians, insurers, and government agencies may each ask for an original.

• Hold off on major decisions about the family home until you have had time to breathe and to talk with the estate’s attorney.

• Ask one person to keep a simple running log of calls, accounts, and documents. It saves a great deal of backtracking later.

Sorting out what belongs where

Bills and obligations may belong to the estate, to a trust, or to another family entity, and paying from the wrong source can complicate administration. A simple list of each bill, the account or entity it ties to, and who is responsible for it is a good starting point. Before paying anything from estate or trust accounts, check with the attorney or accountant.

Everyday obligations that sit outside the living trust, such as household help or a pet sitter, are easy to overlook. Someone in the family should be clearly responsible for them.

Digital access

A loved one’s computer or phone often holds information the family needs, and getting into it without a passcode may require a technology specialist. Setting up a digital legacy contact ahead of time, such as Apple’s Legacy Contact or Google’s Inactive Account Manager, can make this much simpler.

Belongings and the family home

Going through a home is often the most emotional part of the process. Senior move and estate transition specialists can help families sort items gently and keep track of where each one goes. There is rarely a need to rush.

Understanding probate timing

Probate follows its own timeline, set by state law and the court, and some steps must happen in a certain order. Asking the attorney early for a rough sequence of what comes first and what has to wait can help families avoid delays and unnecessary stress.

Keeping advisors connected

A family should not have to explain the same difficult details to the attorney, the accountant, and the financial advisor one after another. When those advisors communicate directly, the family carries less. It can help to name one person, whether a family member or a trusted advisor, to coordinate among them.

Preparing ahead

If there is one thing we hope families take from this, it is that preparing ahead is a kindness to the people you love. It can be as simple as:

• Keeping important documents in one place

• Making sure all of your estate documents are up to date

• Knowing which accounts and bills are connected to which trusts

• Setting up digital legacy access for phones, computers, and online accounts

• Making sure your attorney, accountant, and financial advisors already know one another

• Sharing your wishes for funeral arrangements and the family home

The people you leave behind will be grateful you took the time.

Important Information

This article is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute investment, tax, or legal advice. Estate and probate matters vary by jurisdiction and should be addressed with a qualified attorney. Apple and Legacy Contact are trademarks of Apple Inc.; Google is a trademark of Google LLC. MCM is not affiliated with either company.

Manchester Capital Management, LLC is an SEC-registered investment adviser.